She is one of those women that when she speaks you can’t help but listen to her and after that, run to get her books. Creator of the HERA method and also director of the AMOR academy, Anamar Orihuela is a Mexican woman who has delighted us with such spectacular books as the long-seller “Hambre de Hombre” or “Doña Huevotes” among others.
With 25 years of experience in the practice of healing childhood wounds, teaching growth groups, workshops, therapies and conferences, Anamar opens a door for us and gives us tools to resolve all those knots from the past.
With more than half a million books sold, she is also a specialist in radio, TV and Podcast programs regarding topics related to childhood wounds.
Within the framework of the wonderful book Doña Huevotes – a book that has left us pleasantly surprised -, MUKÍ Magazine wanted to invite Anamar to answer 8 questions about such important topics as validating our anger and the importance of setting limits for ourselves. After finishing reading it we wanted to go much deeper.
We hope you enjoy this wonderful interview.
1.MM:The first question I want to ask you has to do with how your childhood conditioned you to become the woman you are today. Why do you think people don’t really listen to each other and forget to be kinder and more loving with ourselves?
AO: Because looking at ourselves is a fundamental path to loving ourselves and no one can love what they do not know, so I believe that learning to look at ourselves, to observe what you feel, what you think, what you choose, to connect with your body, is the path to being able to be more kind and loving because you start to know yourself.
2.MM: In a world where “patriarchy” has been the rule throughout the centuries, and where we see that even today women are required to appear physically acceptable by society, what is the What advice would you give to younger women to work on their mental and emotional structure so as not to succumb to this “manipulation”?
AO: We are manipulable when we are not aware of ourselves. We need to build an identity of who we are, what our values are, what we like, what matters to us in life and take all the tools that help you look at yourself, get to know yourself. , do an exercise where you can choose the values that govern your life and understand that that is the most important thing you have. What are the values that govern your life? Love, compassion, tenderness, respect, trust, and that you can really base yourself on those values and that makes your own identity solid.
3.MM:As a result of this and also due to the strong influence of social networks (nowadays girls are starting skincare at the age of 12), what advice would you give to parents to guide their daughters? /children and not end up so influenced by “influencers”?
AO: Well, be a model, a model of parents who have a personal project, a life of their own, who take care of themselves, who love each other. The model is the best way to educate, because if you tell them, but you are criticizing yourself because you see women on the Internet who are super thin and you are always fighting with your fat, or if you are never really happy with yourself, the advice It is that they really are a model and an inspiring example for their children, more than someone who tells them what to do.
“We are manipulable when we are not aware of ourselves.”
4.MM: In your book you say that Doña Huevotes is the most masculine woman, whose gaze is outward and who always ends up solving things and life for others. What do you think is the role that upbringing plays in this aspect?
AO: A person, Doña Huevotes, can overprotect a child through her decisive stance because she does not have time to wait for him to learn and for him to grow. This is an act of abuse, because in some way she does not allow him to develop her own abilities and this will always make him dependent on her. So, it is essential to have the patience to guide a child, to give him or her the space to be himself or herself and that you do not end up solving it.
5.MM: In one part of your book you talk about healing your parents and you make a very powerful call to achieve that goal. Why do you think it is so important to do it with a more compassionate view, but without forgetting to validate that anger?
AO: We can all be angry with our parents, we can all be sad, we can have unfinished things, but it is really important to learn to validate it as part of a right that you have, as something that you feel and that you can accept that it lives in you and what to do with that. That’s what I call the compassionate look. What am I going to do with this anger? What am I going to do with this? Because today it’s about me, it’s no longer about them. Healing them is about me, it’s about being clean, it’s about flowing, it’s about not having those knots in my life and from that compassionate and accepting look I need to let go, see straight ahead and validate everything I feel, Be careful, because it is not letting go and forgiving, it is seeing it head on, it is being aware of what I bring with them, accepting it as part of me and being able to let go.
“Overprotecting a child through a decisive stance because you don’t have time to wait for him to learn and grow is an act of abuse.”
6.MM: In one of the chapters you talk to us about something as valuable as limits and you begin with a phrase as powerful as “If there are no limits, there is no protection.” Understanding that in life there are 8 areas in which we have to pay attention (to work the limits in each of them) and according to your experience in therapeutic work with people, in which areas do you think it is more difficult for people? set healthy limits?
AO: I believe that in the personal area, in the relationship with our body, eat well, exercise, respect our limits. And I think that in the couple, because there is also a lot of vulnerability, the wounds come into play and we also unprotect ourselves. Yes, I think those two.
7.MM: In one of your chapters you talk about Plato’s Myth of the Cave and for those of us who are lovers of philosophy I think it is the perfect reference to how the masses behave today, following trends, seeking validation through material things and not through experience. Do you believe that philosophy is one of the healthy ways to “clean up” our mental structure?
AO:Yes, it seems to me that philosophy is a way of life, we have to learn to question ourselves, learn to read how the greats thought, Plato, Socrates, Confucius, how these philosophers thought. Yes, questioning ourselves is very important, also observing ourselves, philosophizing, investigating, being curious, is fundamental and this is what philosophy teaches us.
